Q. Should I go to a Swine Flu Party?

Q. Should I let my kid go to a Swine Flu Party, even if they haven’t done their homework?

Q. How many people have caught the Swine Flu?

Q. How many people have died from the Swine Flu?

Q. What is the death rate of Swine Flu versus Normal Flu?

Q. Is the Swine Flu Epidemic like the Spanish Flu of 1918?

Q. How do I check to confirm I have Swine Flu?

Q. How many people have survived the Swine Flu?

Q. Why is the Swine Flu so whack!?

Q. What is the mortality rate of Swine Flu?

Q. How long does it take to become a pig after contracting Swine Flu?

If all your questions were left unanswered, maybe you can find your answer by taking a live online class on eduFire.

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2. Swine Flu 6: The Swine Flu Timeline
3. Swine Flu 5: Why Should We Be Concerned?

Spring 2009: First signs of oubtbreak.
Summer: All quiet on the Swine Flu front.
Fall: Large outbreak of new variant.
2010: People develop immunity.
Beyond: Swine flu enters normal pattern.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t go beyond the point where predictions go from reasonable to complete guesses. Here are some…

Predictions of the Future of Swine Flu, Year 2050 and Beyond

Year 2050: #SwineFlu will be the trending topic on Twitter after the re-release of the classic hit “Swine Flu Love Fever”
Year 2433: Archaeologists will come across records of a Swine Flu epidemic, and assume that that’s where all the pigs went.
Year 3054: Disease will no longer exist, and children will be allowed outside to play again, except for in Los Angeles. Those children will never be allowed to play outside again.

And what are your predictions of the swine flu future?

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1. The Virus is New, Unknown, and a Mutation. Notes: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were all of these, but they weren’t worth being concerned about. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover!
2. People do not Have Immunity. Notes: Unless you are a visiting delegate or important person from another country.
3. Bad Sanitation. Notes: Agreed.
4. Contagious Before Symptoms Appear. Notes: So they’re a bit sneaky, I’ll give them that.
5. People Tend to Panic. Notes: Panic? What! Why! Ahhhhhhhh.
6. Swine Flu Parties. Notes: Sounds like a lot of fun. I love going to parties when I have the swine flu.

As you can see, there is absolutely no reason to be concerned about the swine flu… That is, unless you know the history of the Swine Flu.

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1. Swine Flu 7: Cases of Swine Flu
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Is the Swine flu really so different from the other kinds of flu? If you saw the swine flu walking towards you, would you cross over to the other side of the street? I hope you aren’t that kind of person, because really, the Swine flu is very similar to the regular flu.

1. Swine Flu and Normal Flu both make you really feel like crap.
2. Swine Flu and Normal Flu are both really tiny and hard to see.
3. Swine Flu and Normal Flu both want to eat you alive.
4. Swine Flu and Normal Flu both have the word “flu” in them, which is shared by the word “flute,” because the original flu was passed around by those dirty flute players.
5. Swine Flu and Normal Flu give you some paid time off from work.
6. Swine Flu and Normal Flu both love hanging out in airplanes.
7. Swine Flu and Normal Flu both think that bobsledding is very dangerous and a bad idea.

See, they aren’t so different after all! Is there any need to be more afraid of the Swine Flu? No! Is there any need to be more afraid of the Normal Flu? Maybe. You never know what Normal Flu will do while having to live in Swine Flu’s shadow. Jealousy is a strong breed of hate.

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Top Ten Ways to Protect Yourself from the Swine Flu, Neurotic Version.

1. Put Tape around your windows and doors.
2. Replace your light bulbs with UV sanitizing bulbs.
3. Wear the swine flu protecting suit.
4. Stop fighting crime at night, you’re lowering your immune system.
5. Fill ziploc bags with hand sanitizer, so you can dip your hands in every few minutes.
6. Wear bandaids on your nose (and say it was a shaving accident).
7. Visit your doctor five to ten times a week (make sure you check your insurance first).
8. Soak your clothes in glue, so there are no pores that might let the flu in.
9. Laugh a lot, because laughter is the best preventative medicine (despite what they say about it being a reactionary medicine)
10. Eat a lot of fruitcake this holiday season

If those ten things don’t help, then the video above will surely have some good tips on avoiding the swine flu, so you don’t catch it. But maybe it’s better to get it, so you can become immune earlier rather than later? But really, the swine flu hasn’t been all that bad. Just look at these swine flu statistics and you’ll know that… oink… oink… oh no!

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There are so many crazy rumors going around right now about the swine flu, and I for one believe it’s time to set the record straight on this whole swine flu epidemic.

1. You won’t turn into a pig: At least, not if you see a doctor right away. At your first signs of oinking, be sure to call your insurance agent and see if you’re even covered. Otherwise, you’ll just have to stay home, rest, and hope for the best. Oink oink!

2. Pigs won’t give you swine flu: This isn’t a free world! Things cost money, and pigs love to trade. Don’t ever expect a pig to give you anything for free. The going rate for a swine flu trade is four apples and twelve pears.

3. Everyone’s dying! It’s just not true. Becoming a pig may cause you to lose your soul, but it doesn’t mean you are dead (though, of course there are philosophical haughty-taughty folk that would disagree).

These three points will only get you started, but hopefully it has helped you calm down. You can’t go around and believe all the rumors about the swine flu. Be sure to watch the video to help set yourself straight on the Swine Flu Facts. No need to be concerned. There are plenty of ways to protect yourself from the swine flu!

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GeorgeWashington: Fetch me my hatchet. I must retrieve some cherries for the vitamin C. I hath caught this dreaded swine flu! #fml

GenghisKhan: Ugh, srsly! China would be mine by now if all my horses weren’t catching the swine flu.

EmperorXuanzong: RT @GenghisKhan Ugh, srsly! China would be mine by now if all my horses weren’t catching the swine flu. << We have the same problem! WTH!

GenghisKhanMom: @GhengisKhan Make sure to stay in your yurt and have some Yak soup!

AbeLincoln: Four score and seven years ago *cough cough cough* << LOL, that’s where I started coughing. #swineflu

JesusChrist: Okay, I’m happy helping the blind see, and helping the lame walk, but I’m so tired of all these people with swine flu. Really would love more variety here.

BlindGuy44: Thanks for the help today, @JesusChrist!

LameDude22: @JesusChrist Uh, actually, now that you mention it – I walked home fine after you healed me, but now I have this cough. Uh oh. Can I come by tomorrow, pls pls pls?

MrPink: I don’t leave no tip. Especially in a swine flu dump like this. #notip #gansgah #pink #stevebuschemi

Thanks goodness for Google website caching, otherwise these historic gems wouldn’t ever have surfaced! As you can see, the Swine Flu has quite the history. Now, of course, there’s also a prediction of the Swine Flu timeline, too.

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3. Swine Flu 6: The Swine Flu Timeline